Contemplations

Life has been...intense these last several months. Always something going on, always someone wanting to talk, always somewhere we need to be. I've been trying to take steps to calm things down, lessen the stress, but removing things from the schedule has only presented open slots ready to be filled by something else.

I have become withdrawn, seeking comfort in my own presence and those I hold dearest to my heart. My thoughts have been my greatest and worst companions, depending on what track they choose to run at any given time. I am being prepared - for what only God can say. I find myself drawn to books on the Savior and His apostles of old.

The New Testament has been calling my name for quite some time, though I am sorry to say it's only been recently that I have begun my study. Before this I had picked up some books to help me better understand the conditions surrounding the time of Christ. They have opened my eyes just a bit wider, helping me see a little more of the bigger picture, and how small I am in comparison. Small, yet significant.

I often feel out of place, as though I am reserved to sit just outside of the puzzle, a piece that looks as though it matches in color and shape, but never seems to fit exactly right. Whenever I come to believe at last I've discovered which pieces are supposed to surround me, which are the perfect fit, it turns out there's another puzzle I might be a part of and another puzzle piece that fits in my former spot far better than I could ever have done. I am always sad to leave behind these magnificent puzzles as I have grown to know and love each individual piece so well. It's much like leaving family behind.

Yet I must always move on. The Lord has work for me to do, work that is normally preceded by a time of study and contemplation as is happening now. I do not know what is coming. I know not what it will entail. I do know there would be no hope of me being successful without His help. Maybe, just maybe, I am led to study up on Him so I might come to know Him better, in the hopes I will be able to help others understand Him better.

I have written a story, one I have mentioned before. In my humble opinion it is perhaps the best of my life thus far. It is no literary masterpiece. Grammar and punctuation errors abound. There is no doubt others could have written it with more feeling, more power, and more depth. But this story was not for anyone else to write. My Heavenly Father said to me, "This story was reserved for you to bring forth at this time." There are experiences I have had, people I have been placed with, and times I have been asked to endure that have worked to prepare me for this one beautiful piece.

As we speak this story has been sent to a printer. It will be put together for all the young women of my stake, and next Wednesday I will read it to all who come and with open hearts and ears listen to the words I have to share. This is the beginning of a new stage in my life, something which the Lord and Heavenly Father have been preparing me for over the last several years.

I still have much learning to do, both in life and in writing, but this is what life is all about - taking the opportunities to live and learn and grow. I am grateful for my life, even hard times. Especially the hard times. For I know it is during the hardest times of our lives we are able to learn the most. I can only pray His hand will ever be there to guide me, and that I will remember to hold on tight.