Sunday, January 9, 2011

Happy New Year!!!

All right so I'm a little late on the whole new year thing, but better late than never, right? Right.

I have great hope for this new year. Though I may not be able to convey to all of you out there the feelings in my heart when I think of what may come our way, when ever my thoughts begin to linger on whether or not we will see wonderful things happen my heart begins to burn with a warmth I have not felt in some time.

I think of the rainbows, and double rainbows I witnessed in 2010, and they bring me thoughts of promises and covenants. Into my mind flows the thought that if we were faithful during the trials of the last several years, if we did our best to keep our side of the covenants and promises we've made with the Lord and with our Heavenly Father, if we've sacrificed without thought of gaining anything in return, 2011 will be a time of having our faithfulness rewarded. This will be a time of healing, of good things being spread throughout the earth, and blessings will abound.

During 2010 I spent much of my time reinventing myself. At the beginning of the year I suffered horribly from the effects of a very profound depression. Only those who have gone through this can possibly understand the hole I found myself trapped in. With the prayers and help of many people I was at last guided to an inspired counselor who, over the course of many months, began to help me discover some misguided notions I'd unknowingly developed over my life. He gave me the tools I needed to not only climb out of my hole, but to start filling it up so I wouldn't fall in again.

As I reached the fall and beginning of the winter months there was an improved change in my attitude, but the filling of my hole has been slow going. I still feel greatly unmotivated to do many of the things that used to come so naturally. I have two books I've been trying to write that I have no desire to touch. A monthly family newsletter used to find it's way into the in boxes of family and friends' e-mail, but that stopped last May. For a few months my husband and oldest kiddo took over cooking and even a large part of the cleaning. It's been rough, for all of us, but I'm starting to realize it was a necessary period of rest on my part. This hit home last week as I found myself cleaning the bathroom and being perfectly okay with doing it.

For me 2011 feels like a year of beginning anew. I've even set for myself some goals to help me come back into balance and keep me focused on important things. Learning to say no and not feel guilty about it. This is one of the things I have the hardest time with, but have actually put into practice already when telling a darling friend I couldn't babysit her boys' anymore.

I need to start having some better communication between myself and my Heavenly Father. My prayers for several months now have become insincere, as though I knew what to pray for but forgot that I was speaking to my Father in Heaven, who is real, and who loves me in ways I will never comprehend. As silly as it may sound, the easiest way to fix this has been to find somewhere else to pray. In the morning when I'm warming up the car I find myself far more awake and no where near as hurried. In the evening, after everyone else has been asleep for a few hours but before I head to bed, I'll kneel down next to the couch in the living room to pray. Changing the setting for my prayers has already made a big difference.

Our family is making a bigger effort to read from the scriptures every night. Each of us takes a verse to read, as opposed to Dad and I doing an entire chapter by ourselves. The kids all moan and groan when we tell them it's time to read, but by the time we've finished for the night they all have something to say about what they've learned. It's been wonderful.

Those are my three big goals for the year. It's enough for now, and if I decide to expand on them or add more as the year continues I'll look upon it as a sign I'm doing well. In the meantime I'll keep looking for those double rainbows and feeling hope.

May this new year bring hope to all of you this year. May your hearts be full of joy, and may you be able to accomplish those things most important to benefit yourselves and those around you.


Reynolds Family said...

I too, am excited for a new year. 2010 brought good things but was a liitle hard for me. I'm so ready for a new start and new goals. I hope you have a great year and find the motivation you need. Thank you for hangin with us last weekend. It's so fun to see the cousins spend time together. Sam told me that J and B have some really good ideas. I'm not sure what that means but I guess that's what older cousins are for. Yeah, for cousins!

Cynthia said...

Beautifully written Laurie!