Sunday, April 29, 2012

Shhhh, Don't Tell Anyone I'm Here

I've been in hiding for about the last week. I have to do it, every once in a while. People are just plain lucky if I answer the phone or even type a few words in an e-mail.

I can say with confidence it's not depression, for I'm a happy little camper. I've even been mighty productive. Two or three years ago one of the maple trees in our front yard died. My hubby chopped it down, and a year later even managed to get the stump dug out. Not to long after that the stump in our back yard was removed as well. I only mention that one because it would explain our need for a giant pile of dirt. Not just any dirt. Oh no. This is awesome dirt given to us freely by our local cemetery. We have a friend who works there. It was he who told us we could get a nice large pile of dirt, no charge.

I'd never thought of where the cemetery's put their extra dirt. Well, I have a bit of an idea now :)  The giant hole in the back yard was filled (a significant feat considering the stump was three or four feet across). The hole in the front yard was filled, and then I had an idea to put in a slightly raised flower bed. I didn't think it was going to happen for a while there, as the sheer amount of bricks needed was going to cost a pretty penny. But this Spring I decided if we were to wait for the money to be there, we'd never get it done. So off to Home Depot I went and the first two layers are down.

I'd take pictures and post them but my camera died. Sad day for Laurie.

The first layer sits flush with the grass so my husband doesn't have to worry about how to maneuver the lawn mower around it. The next layer is of a different type of stone set a bit further back. I have a few stones to begin the second row, but it may be a while before I'm able to finish it. I'd like to go up one more set, but that may have to wait even longer.

My boys want to plant vegetables. I'm still debating. I definitely need to find a spot to begin an actual vegetable garden, but I want to wait until I know I can keep up with little things like...weeding (shudder).

I've also put together two picture collages that sit at the doors of a cabinet in our living room. I've talked about doing it for about two years, but finally managed to make it happen. And I must say it looks marvelous! Instead of focusing on pictures of my family, as I've done on the main wall of our living room, I put up more artistic pictures. One side is strictly black and white photos, while the other is color.

A few months ago I was asked to write a story for our ward's Relief Society birthday dinner. It was postponed for a few weeks, which turned out to be a blessing as I could not focus long enough to really get my thoughts together. I knew what needed to be portrayed, but figuring out how to make it happened continued to elude me. The idea of what needed to happen didn't come to me until the day before I was supposed to read it. I wrote frantically, prayed about it hard, and felt as though it was enough. I'll post it in my creativity blog if you decide to read it. It's called 'Nissa's Dream.'

So I've been a happy girl, but I'm tired. My brain has been drained, my emotions are running on low, and I've been pulling away from 'stuff' that keeps me busier than I need to be. I don't handle being too busy for too long very well. I begin to shut down, and need time away from people and things and activities so I might allow myself a chance to recover.

I don't know if I'm ready to come out of hiding just yet. It may take another week or so before I feel confident in my abilities to take on my world again. In the meantime I'm enjoying my family, especially my children and my husband. I'm enjoying some good reading time and music, and times to be creative. Feeding my soul, I guess you could say. Only this time, unlike the last several years due to depression and it's horrible effects, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

1 comment:

Team Jensen said...

Oh the side affects of being busy. I totally understand. It's so nice when you have a few extra minutes to do the things you want to do. Way to go on getting it all done. I'll have to remember the free dirt soon. We have a big project to do soon. It has to do w/ fixing the sprinklers that Steven dug into and broke about 2 years ago. Anywho. Congrats, again, on getting things done!