Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Do You Ever Get the Feeling?

Do you ever get the feeling someone really doesn't like you? Well, maybe that's going a little too far. Let me explain.

I have a person in my life whom I know primarily over e-mails and Facebook. She has been going through a VERY difficult time the last year - things I cannot possibly even begin to empathize with as I have (thankfully) never had to deal with them myself. The thing is, she refuses acknowledge anything might possibly be wrong. I hear most of what's really going on through her family.

This...friend...for some reason needs everyone in her world to believe life is just perfect. Yet when one takes a close look at her letters and such, one can see the sadness hiding therein. Perhaps it's because I've read "between the lines" a few times too many and tried to get her to open up, but recently she seems to have placed a good, solid, concrete wall between us.

"I'm just fine," she says. "I don't know what you're talking about," she'll write. It gets frustrating for me for one simple reason: nobody's life is perfect. Everyone - even the happiest of us all - have things not going as well as we'd like. So to say there is nothing wrong, especially when her writing is telling me different, feels a little like a slap upside the head.

Obviously today I'm just feeling frustrated, but I do find hope in the fact I felt like sitting down and writing about it. Writing has not felt like something I've wanted to do in too long (part of the depression my counselor says). I just can't help thinking that someone cannot feel truly connected to the people around him/her if he/she is not willing to open up and be themselves, good and bad included.

Of course I realize people protect themselves from getting hurt and most often have a billion wonderful reasons to keep to themselves. But when you start coming off as fake, when I can see the heartache behind the "I'm just fine," well, what am I supposed to do? Do I leave her to wallow in the misery she won't acknowledge, or do I continue to stand in front of the concrete wall hoping one day it will start crumbling down?

Knowing me...I'll still be standing.


Little Messy Missy said...

Some people just need to deal with things privately no matter how much love and concern you might have. I would just act like yourself and send some extra happy feelings and energy her way. Everyone deals with trouble, heartache, love or loss so is so personal. All we have the power to do is love. Maybe if she took a good look at everything she would be afraid to move forward so she is dealing with things the only way she knows how. It is sad to see someone care about fooling themselves.

Emily said...

I think there are times and struggles when things just aren't other people's business. Maybe this person has a good support system and you sound like you are just acquaintances... I know I wouldn't confide in an acquaintance. Sometimes it's not a person's place. If you only know her through Facebook and online, then you wouldn't know the personal side of her anyway, and are not in her circle of trust. I am sure those closest to her know what's going on.

I don't believe anyone's life is perfect. Maybe she is trying to be positive amidst the trials? Maybe her goal is to uplift others instead of bringing them down? The world does need more positives than negatives. It's hard to believe she would try to make everyone in her world believe her life is perfect. I know in my life that there are some things I share with the online world and some that are off-limits. You don't have to blog about difficulties and things too personal to be "real." I am sure those closest to her know what's going on. And if you don't associate with her in person, I am sure you don't see that side. Don't be insulted because she didn't confide in you.

I wouldn't say someone is fake just because they won't tell you what is wrong. Struggles and things that are personal aren't meant to share with the world. Maybe her telling you everything is fine is her way of telling you nicely it isn't your place to ask.

I can't imagine this person being too thrilled with this post. I pray she doesn't see it. I think it would really hurt her feelings. I think it would be so mean to talk and gossip and about someone online!

Just pray for her. That's all you can do.

Alysha said...

I agree with Emily. I don't see anything wrong with trying to stay positive during hard times. I try to see the cup as half full rather than half empty as much as possible.
Laurie, it seems you may want to help this person, but if they have not come to you I would just leave it be. Especially since you are hearing it from other people and not first hand. Some things are just meant to be private.

Also, whoever this post is addressed to, I don't think this will feel very welcoming to them. You could be taking a step backwards with your friendship. I would just be careful, you could hurt someone's feelings.

LaurieW said...

Emily and Alysha, I'm so sorry if anything I wrote offended you. Truly I am. My words came out of frustration and love, not a desire to hurt.

This woman has opened up to me many times before. I didn't mention that, but we've formed a very close friendship. She and I have so much in common and have written to one another over the last several years. So to have her placing this wall in front of me now hurts. It just hurts. I feel lost and I don't know what to do. The Spirit keeps guiding me to ask. This is why I continue to try.

Again, I'm sorry if I hurt either of you. Truly I am.