The Value of a Dollar Earned

Our boys came to us about two weeks ago begging for a game. They really, really, really, REALLY wanted this game. Would we buy it for them? Pretty, pretty please?

The irony here is we've been talking about needing to cut back on a lot of stuff to get certain debts paid off. We're not rich, by any means. We don't spend an awful lot of money. But due to not enough income to supplement the inflation in prices, as well as several emergencies that have required the use of a dreaded credit card,  we're not doing as well as we have in the past. So looking into the faces of our two little boys who really, honestly thought we'd just buy them a new game was a wake up call in our need to help our own kids realize money is not always there whenever we need something.

A plan was devised to help them earn some money. The car needed a good cleaning both inside and out. There was a flower bed in desperate need of weeding. the pantry needed a thorough examination to see what had expired, what would expire soon, and what would last us a while longer. We agreed on a price for each job. These jobs plus a few others would help them to pay for their own game.

At first the boys were all excited. Halfway through the weeding job their excitement waned, especially when friends came over hoping for someone to play with, but they plodded on. Halfway through cleaning the car Mr. B was disheartened to hear about all the little places they needed to get in and dejunk, but he hitched up his shorts and kept going. I could hardly believe the commitment these two young boys had in regards to earning the money for something they really wanted.

When the pantry job remained Mr. J was called away to participate with a scouting event. I thought this might keep them from finishing with the pantry this week, but Mr. B surprised me by tackling this all on his own. He rocked it! I couldn't have been prouder to see him figuring out what could stay and what needed to go (though I have a feeling many things that could have stayed now reside in the garbage can).

I have paid my boys for these jobs. Someone will be paying them to keep watch over their house while they go on vacation.  It has been awesome to see their dedication to doing a job well done. On a whim I thought I should try looking on Amazon for the game. Not only did I find it for half off, but we found two controllers for a discounted price as well, something they eventually also hoped to earn money for. Their excitement over getting both put them over the moon!

I told them two things had to happen before they got their game and controllers. First, they had to pay tithing. Second, they had to pay me for the "merchandise."

Tithing is really important to me. I have seen the blessings that have come from returning to the Lord 10% of what we have been blessed with. Tithing is the first thing out of our paycheck. I want my kids to have that same reverence and respect for what they have also been blessed with. We have gone over exactly how much they'll need to pay, and both are so happy to do it.

I want them to pay me the money so that they can see this is not just something I did for them. This is something they accomplished though their own hard work.

Ms. M has had a babysitting job for the last two weeks. She works with a friend Thursday and Friday from nine to five watching a couple of kids. It's not an easy job, but she's very proud of what she's accomplishing, of the responsibility being handed to her. She too knows tithing is important, and is also planning to get many of her own school things so we don't have to.

The last unexpected blessing has been in seeing our littlest want to earn some money as well. Her skills are limited, and she wants to give up mighty quick. It's taken a lot of prodding to make certain she does the job she's been assigned, and does it well. We want to see her recognize even this early what it means to do a job well done, to know what it means to earn an honest dollar.

Today the boys' game arrived. Their faces as money was traded for the merchandise was awesome to behold. This was in every way their game! I may never get my living room back, but it's been worth it.

One last unexpected bonus: this week Mr. J was helping me with the grocery shopping. We were in a crunch for time and by the time we got home from the store and brought the groceries in the house I was desperate for a shower. "Mom," he said, "you go ahead and take a shower. I'll put everything away." "Are you sure?" I asked, both surprised and delighted by his offer. "Sure," he said with a shrug. I got in my shower, and he put the groceries away. A little act of service from a boy who'd been working hard all week. LOVE IT!!!

Changes

The new school year always brings about huge changes. It involves getting back into a new, or even old, routine. I'm not just talking about the changes made for the children who attend school, but also for those of us left here at home.

My youngest, Miss A, has had a summer filled with her two brothers and big sister. Her Mama (that would be me), has been kicked off the computer for several months until the later hours of the night as the children seem to think they need electronics to while away so many hot, muggy hours. The house has been noisy, messy, and gloriously filled with the laughter of my children.

Now we're bored here at home. Little Miss A and I are aaaaall alooooone. I know, your heart is just breaking for us ;) Miss A has been adjusting to having the television all to herself, as well as the freedom to bring in all her toys and play with no worries a well-meaning brother might pick one up and run off in an effort to "have fun" with his baby sister. She kinda really likes being able to have Mom all to herself (even if Mom spends a lot of time on the computer).

Okay so maybe it's me that's bored. Well, hmm. If I have to admit it there's PLENTY to do around here, but none of it sounds even remotely fun. Add to that the need to get up at six in the morning when I'd much rather sleep 'till about eight or so, and I'm having a hard time adjusting as well.

I miss my kiddies. Though they can occasionally drive up the proverbial wall, they are my heart. I love laughing with them, doing things together, seeing their faces light up when I suggest going to the library or over to Toys R Us to look around. I miss having an hour or so together read Percy Jackson, or another book, together.

Now when they all get home from school it feels a bit like chaos. Everyone wants to talk at the same time. They're starving and absolutely MUST get a snack - which always seems to turn into an almost meal - and will pounce on the chance to get back on my..uh..our computer. Dinner becomes a rushed affair and right after is homework. By the time we all get a chance to really sit down and enjoy one another, it's almost bedtime.

Still, changes are good for us, and my children really do blossom through their experiences with teachers, friends, and even those who are not so much friends. I think it makes us all recognize what a blessing we have in our little home of love, where arms are always open, snacks about, and Mom and Dad are ready with hugs before bedtime.

BOYS! (And Yes, I'm Talking About Mine)

Those who have known me for many a year may be a tad surprised to hear we now own an xBox, as I've always sworn I never wanted one in my house and that if my kids wanted one they'd have to earn it themselves. Several months ago my hubbs and I were concerned at the enthusiastic playing our boys did on our aged computer, and were thinking along the lines of picking something up to give it a break.

This was such a huge concession on my part, as I knew full well how easily hours could be wasted playing something silly and unproductive (hello - I am a Facebook junky after all). The thought of my kids sacrificing time outside to sit in front of the tv didn't seem like a good trade. However, at the time I put out the idea in my family newsletter winter was setting in, the kids were in the house more often than ever, and they were off-track. This translates into a whole lot of time spent on my computer!

My big brother and his sweet wife called me with some wonderful news - they had an old xBox with some games they were completely willing to give us. That's right! The entire system and games were a gift. How awesome are they! Though it took a bit of practicing how to be nice and share, and after a bunch of time-outs happened combined with a lovely set of rules, the kids were doing really quite well at balancing time outside (on nice days) with taking turns on their new beloved toy.

Until yesterday.

A friend gave the boys two of his old games: Lego Star Wars 1&2. J is ecstatic, but B got tired of them awfully fast. #2 had to be fixed so we only got it back yesterday, and J's whining side came out full force! He didn't WANT to eat dinner. He finished some homework at school all ready! What do you mean it's bedtime?!?!?! By the time he actually said goodnight to everyone we were ready to ban him from the xBox for the rest of the week.

A little before nine he came in crying. "What's wrong?" I ask (first mistake). "I just know B's going to wake up before I do and he'll get on the xBox and play what I don't want to play!" I had to try really hard to keep my eyes from rolling around in my head. What could I say? Certainly not "You've been whining all night long so I'm going to reward your behavior by telling you B can't play his own game in the morning before school?" Uh...no. But I was too tired to think clearly, and that's when I made my second mistake.

"Whoever gets up first gets to pick what game you play."

Dumb, Laurie. Major dumb! Know why? At four o'clock in the morning I hear someone cry out and think one of the kids' is having a bad dream. I jump out of bed and go into the hallway where the flickering lights of the television are coming from the living room.

"No way," I think. "Yes way," my inner taunter shouts back. Sure enough, both my boys are on the xBox. AT FOUR IN THE MORNING!!! I made them get right off, saying their dad hasn't even gone to work yet, and told them to go back to sleep. When I get up a couple of hours later they're back on the xBox. I wasn't sure if they'd even gone back to sleep until I talked to hubby later on this morning. Sure enough, when he left for work, they asked if they could get back on and play.

If the boys are even a little ornery with me tonight, you'd better believe they'll be getting ornery right back!

Fun With Big Sister

I never had a sister. I wanted one desperately but my parents gave me a younger brother instead. He's okay, I like him. I might even say I love him, but that might get embarrassing...for him.

My husband and I were nice enough to give our oldest, a girl, a younger sister. Into this sibling M has had a place to put into effect all her "mothering" instincts I was never able to do with my younger brother. And believe me I had those instincts as well!

One example of my frustrated efforts: my brothers were playing around one day and - as often happened - my younger bro got hurt. He was about eight at the time (I think) and still small enough to fit on my lap. So I sat him down, put my arms around him, and tried to get him to tuck his head into my shoulder. You know, as a child would it's mother. To my consternation instead of appreciating this tender moment he lifted up his head, gave me a disdainful look and asked, "What are you doing?"

I let him go.

Of course these days I've got all sorts of kids to hug and squeeze and kiss boo boo's better, and it really is fun for me to see my oldest trying to mother her siblings. There was a recent shift in the relationship between my daughters, one my husband made certain I documented with pictures, and I am so glad I did.

We typically have spaghetti on Sundays, and M enjoys the chance to cook it, under supervision of course. A few weeks ago M took the opportunity to teach her little sister something about the art of cooking spaghetti.

Here they are after the noodles have been cooked. A is helping M pat the sauce into the pan to warm up.



















And now they're mixing in the sauce together. Yum.



















Here's A showing us her "I'm so happy someone let me help" face.

Too cute, right? A loved it when we all thanked her for helping to make dinner :)

One of the biggest experiences I had with "sisters" was the year I spent at college with some of my school friends. One of our most favorite things to do was play with one another's hair. The other night I asked M to get me her brush so I could play with hers. Here's a little sampling.

Isn't her hair color gorgeous?!?! She keeps talking about wanting to dye it one day. I desperately hope she doesn't, and learns to appreciate just how beautiful it is.

Here's another braid I used to do to myself when I was a little older than her.

She really has fantastic hair for braiding. I just wish we had more time in the mornings to do things with her hair. Oh well. I supposed making sure she's not in her jammies at school is a bit more important.

One last "do." This time I had some fun making her look EXTRA pretty :)

Marvelous, isn't it? You can see it makes her VERY HAPPY!

Though I may not have had all the sisters I wanted as a kid, I'm more than blessed with sisters now. All my sisters-in-law have loved me and blessed me more than I could ever have hoped. The sisters in my various wards over the years have filled that lonely place in my heart more often than I could have imagined. As I grow older, I found my most favorite and beloved sister has become my own mother. How lucky can a girl get?!

Mmmmmmmarbles!

Marbles are HUGE at my kids' school this year. I'd never really thought about how important it was to have the marbles until two separate incidents really brought it to my attention.

The first was upon M's first visit with the school counselor, who was trying to assess the various ways M was handling school. One of these had to do with her social interactions. She discovered M would play with her friends until they decided to play marbles. When questioned why she didn't join in M said, "I don't have any marbles except what my friends give me." And that wasn't a lot!

I knew M had more than earned the right to have the marbles, and figured I would see how much they were before talking to Daddy. That's when incident number 2 happened. Last Sunday B asked Daddy to play marbles with him. It didn't occur to either of us how much fun and joy they were finding in such a simple thing until that moment. Several minutes later Daddy pulled me aside and whispered, "Let's get the kids some marbles." I wholeheartedly agreed.

FF to Monday. I went out to Walmart for various things, and found these fantastic packages of marbles. Each one was only $5 and held 151 marbles a piece! I could hardly wait for the kids to come home. Neither could Daddy. When it was time for them to arrive he went in to get the bag of marbles and excitedly handed each package over. The kids were OVER THE MOON!!! In J's own words:

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!"

The most amazing thing to me was the little booklet claiming there was more than one way to play marbles: Archboard, Bounce About, Dobblers and Eggs in the Bush. Nineteen different games in all are enclosed in this tiny little book.

Two days hence and my kiddies are still in love with their marbles. Those round gems even managed to get my boys off the computer...for a few minutes.

My Brand New Niece

After many, MANY years of waiting, my older brother and his wife at last welcomed their baby girl this last week. Say hello to Brianne!

Do you see the chubby legs and arms??? That's what 10 pounds, 15 and 3/4 ounces produces!!!

This is Joe, the proud papa. You have no idea how incredibly happy I am for him.

And heeeeeere's mama! Melanie, a.k.a. Mel, was such a trooper through this entire pregnancy. I can't imagine carrying SO MUCH BABY, especially near the last, lol.

I totally stole every single one of these pictures, and naturally assume they'll forgive me because, after all, I'm so awesome. That and it may be months before I get to hold her since they live in Kentucky. This was one of my favorite's, though. Brianne won't take pacifiers, but apparently daddy's finger tastes yuuuummy :)

What is Your Child/Teen's Love Language?

After finishing “The Five Love Languages” for couples, I immediately headed over to Amazon.com to see if there was any possibility the author, Gary Chapman Ph.D. could have written a book for children. To my surprise (and delight) I discovered Dr. Chapman has written several of these books for different sorts of relationships. The two that immediately caught my attention were the ones for teens as well as children (the latter co-authored with Ross Campbell, M.D.). I ordered both immediately. If there was any way to help me better express my love to my children, as well as the youth I work with at church, I was more than willing to try.

I should first point out that the five love languages – Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation – do not change from book to book. What does differ is the way in which we utilize these simple yet powerful tools.

Perhaps the aspect to loving our children that surprised me the most was until about the age of five children require all of the love languages. They typically don’t show a preference for one over any of the others. For the most part giving these acts of love don’t require a lot of effort. Dr. Chapman brings up the example of how we are with babies. We change their diapers, provide shelter and clothes, and feed and hold them (gifts/acts of service/physical touch). We coo loving words at them (words of affirmation), and practically fight for their attention (quality time).

As they get older we begin to teach them how to care for themselves, but still provide each of the love languages in spades. It’s not until around the age of five that we might see a preference. My oldest loves quality time (sometimes the hardest for me to give), and will let me know when she’s feeling neglected and in need of one-on-one time to just talk or do something fun together. J is words of affirmation. Say the wrong thing in the wrong tone and he visibly crumples before my eyes. We knew from the time he was about three that B was physical touch. He’s our cuddler, our intense giver of hugs and kisses. He’s practically happiest when he can sit on a lap and watch a movie with someone.

Once you see in your growing child a preference for one or even two love languages, don’t be so quick to let the others slip. Really until about the age of ten or twelve (sometimes even beyond) children still require sufficient doses of each of the love languages in order for their love tank (like a gas tank, for those who didn’t read the previous post) to be full. Also be watchful of overusing or being insincere in your love languages. Older children can sense these things, like when you’re not being honest with praise in saying he did a good job cleaning his room when he really didn’t, or constantly complaining about not getting other things done when spending what’s supposed to be special time with your kid.

Crossing over into the occasionally terrifying realm of Teenager-dom is where things get tricky. A teen’s love language doesn’t change, but they way in which they want to accept that love does. It all has to do with the awkward and precarious stage of traveling the road to independence. A part of their transition is to begin pulling away from parents’ tender care, which can be a frightening and confusing time for both parents and teens.

I want you to think for a moment of the English language. Though the language is, for the most part, universal throughout the United States (and elsewhere) there are different dialects as you travel from state-to-state, and in some cases from city-to-city. While the basics are the same, the dialects change. This is the same in the love language of your child as he grows into a teen.

Teens don’t want to be loved in the same way they were loved as a child, for the simple fact it makes him/her feel like a child again. Something he/she doesn’t want to be. The love language doesn’t change, just the way in which we begin speaking it.

For example, a child is neither mature nor physically old enough to provide for herself. She relies on Mom and Dad to help provide her with necessities like meals, laundry, etc. These are considered acts of service. As she grows into a young woman, she may no longer want to have you do absolutely everything for her (as you would for a child). Instead she wants to be taught to do these things for herself, another act of service. I know my oldest likes to help cook a meal or two, which makes her fell very grown up.

Another example can be found with physical touch. I know for a fact B won’t want to sit and cuddle during a movie when he’s 16. I’m not going to like it, but I know it. However, he might not mind sitting next to me to have his back scratched. He’ll be the kid who enjoys contact sports, and will wrestle with his brother. He’ll enjoy high-fives and other more “mature” displays of affection.

Once again you’ll notice your teen is focused on one, maybe two specific love languages, but still find ways to love your teen in all five as it will truly help balance things out. No teen appreciates seeing a sibling receive a gift for doing a job well done and not get one his/herself for doing the same thing. It may not mean as much to them, perhaps not as much as the encouraging words you say, but it will mean something nonetheless.

I’ve put down such a basic idea of what these two books hold. Whether you have children/teens of your own, or you work with them through a job or church calling, I highly recommend picking up these books. You’d be amazed to read what can happen to troubled youth when someone finally starts saying “I love you” in a way they understand. Regardless of how old your kids/teens are, you can still work to building up a great relationship with them, no matter how late in the game you might join in.

The Five Love Languages of Children can be found at Amazon.com.
The Five Love Languages of Teenagers can be found at Amazon.com.