Changing Focus

I received my blessing last night, and it was as vague as I thought it would be. Some good things came out of it though.

The most peaceful for me is knowing I'm dealing with this depression right now for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I don't need to know. It's enough for me to recognize there's a purpose to it all, and that it will pass.

I also came away realizing I've been putting too much pressure on myself, which I'm notorious for doing. When I was counseled several months ago to get back to school, I took it to mean NOW! Dave was counseling me yesterday, and as my bishop, the priesthood leader in my home, and my husband, I feel the counsel is well worth listening to. He said, "Maybe Heavenly Father didn't mean now. Maybe he meant within the next few years."

I can't begin to tell you the peace I've experienced with the decision to follow this counsel. School is still meant to happen, but there are too many other things I need to focus on at this time.

One of the big things I want to refocus on is my writing. I've let it go over the last several months, really since I took on the LDS Blogs job. I mean, I've been writing still, but not on the projects I had going before choosing that new path. I'm excited to get back to the book I was working on so many months ago. Part of my depression has given me a wonderful idea of where to go with one of my main characters. So there's another blessing.

There are other things I want to get back to, and to discover. I baked last week. Really baked! Loaves of zucchini bread have been lining my counter (and there's not a whole lot of room there in the first place!). It's been a long time since I baked for the mere pleasure, and it felt wonderful. As I begin to recover I hope to do more of it. As the tomatoes are beginning to ripen I hope to teach myself to do a bit of canning. I figure I'll start small, then try doing more as my confidence in canning grows.

This week is crazy busy, and I keep adding more things to accomplish before it's out, but I feel like if I can just make it through next Sunday, life will calm down. Three kids will all be in school, my hubby will have been back at his second job for several days, and I might actually be able to settle into some sort of dependable routine.

Above it all, I have had the knowledge of my Heavenly Father's love for me, of His awareness of all I've got going on right now, and that He will be there to help me understand it all one day reinforced.

Even though there is no doubt about all this, I sometimes just need to hear the words.